Sometimes, there is a moment of life that you forget to invite God to involve into your life, just because you don’t feel like it, or life is too “busy“for God, or you think you can solve all the problems without God. This is exactly the moment I am going through right now. I don’t feel like to open my bible, or even I open my bible, I feel like I am not really digesting His word or communicating with Him.
I really want to stop this cycle, because I can really feel the different of my life once I stop involving Him. It isn’t mean I don’t believe in Him or I stop doing “good” things, but I no longer put Him as center of all things, and then I started to feel discouraged and upset to the facts that I don’t see things change; and I started to get disappointed to people, especially those from church, because I have put a high expectation on people, yet I no longer have patient and love to those I don’t like. I started to judge church people instead of loving them. I started to get discouraged to fellowship, instead of have faith to God that He is good, and He is in control. Why is that? It is all because of the selfishness and my pirate. I judge because I thought I know, but actually I don’t, because I don’t even practice what I know. I want to quit because I don’t want to loss, but forgetting the real meaning of winning is trusting in God always, and be rejoice in Him always, even in time of darkness.
God, I know I should always keep you in my mind. I should always remember what you have done for me on the cross, and I am selected to be saved by your blood. It is not what I think I should do so that you will be glorified, but is you are glorified by doing your work through me. And I can only do so by having a relationship with you constantly. God, thank you for being my God, and knowing my heart, and be patient to me. Everything can be fail but you will never fail.
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